My Family Hates Me After I Got Successful
My Girlfriend's Low Is Bringing Me Down. I Feel Helpless!
My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into well-nigh every attribute of our life together. I do everything I can to aid her, but I feel like I'm just propping her upwardly, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to e'er improve. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me downwardly with her, though I would never say that to her. I feel every bit much like a caretaker every bit I do a boyfriend. I have thought about leaving, only I'yard afraid information technology would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. Am I codependent? What's my issue, and what steps tin or should I take that would aid both her and me? —Dragged Down
Beloved Dragged Down,
Information technology sounds like you accept been a tremendous source of love, strength, and back up for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. That takes incredible patience and pity, but information technology tin too accept a cost on you. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the flagman loses touch with himself/herself. It's a positive sign that you lot seem to accept a solid sense not only of where she is, only likewise where you are. It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. Then the question, every bit y'all insightfully pose, is where do yous become from here?
You've asked some really important questions about yourself: "Am I codependent?" "What'due south my issue?" "What steps can or should I take?" These questions are as important equally they are complicated. I strongly encourage yous to begin your own therapy. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician volition afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. You've managed to take intendance of your girlfriend and remain continued enough to yourself to come up up with these questions. A trusted therapist will assist you lot thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. You might besides want to expect for a caretakers' support group. The brunt on caretakers is significant, and in that location is dandy therapeutic value in realizing y'all are not alone. Yous've been shouldering a pregnant burden on your ain for years; information technology sounds like you are set up to permit someone help y'all carry the load.
Yous mention that your girlfriend's medication does non seem to be helping her. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. Medication treats symptoms, merely information technology doesn't address all of the problems that oftentimes underlie depression. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive alter and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. Also, it is very of import that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a full general practitioner.
Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be fourth dimension to look at irresolute the treatment plan. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. Consider suggesting that she talk nigh these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). If, afterwards years of handling, she isn't getting any better, something probably needs to change. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her handling plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians.
You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. I hope you volition have another one and find some support for yourself. This is a painful, complicated upshot, and yous deserve to accept support equally y'all work on figuring out what is best for you.
Respectfully,
Sarah
Sarah Noel
Sarah Noel, MS, LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist living and working in Brooklyn, New York. She specializes in working with people who are struggling through low, anxiety, trauma, and major life transitions. She approaches her piece of work from a person-centered perspective, e'er acknowledging the people she works with as experts on themselves. She is honored and humbled on a daily basis to be able to partner with people at such critical points in their unique journeys.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/my-girlfriends-depression-is-bringing-me-down-i-feel-helpless
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